My baby started feeling sad and uneasy
When she couldn’t pass for seventeen
But while she wasn’t bolemic she looked pretty good to me

And then she told me she was taking a trip
And when she got back home there’d be surprise
But just a few weeks later I couldn’t believe my eyes

She’d gotten aftermarket headlights and a new chrome bumper
Where there used to be room for two
Now she’s shiny and clean and they’ve hidden the seams
And I don’t know if what’s left is still you

Oh doctor please won’t you give me my baby back
I like the way that she used to be
You nipped and you tucked and you messed her all up
with your liposuction rhinoplasty

While I admire you’re on top of your game
But she looks like a Hollywood whore
Now she’s high and she’s tight and she doesn’t feel right anymore

I had to pause when she took off the gauze
And there wasn’t there what was before
Now it is bare where there oughta be hair
And there is less there where there used to be more (so much more)

Oh doctor please won’t you gimme my baby back
I liked the way she was before
‘Cause she was all soft and wide and so comfy inside
And you didn’t leave me much to explore

How did it happen that a full grown woman
Thought she had to be a high school queen
Now she’s tall and she’s tan
But I’m still her old man
And now I want her back the way that she’d been

Oh doctor please won’t you gimme my baby back
She’s not the woman she used to be
And I really don’t care how it worked out for Cher
Or that you’ll double up the warranty

©2003 Jonathan B. Whitcomb. All Rights Reserved